[a story bout an introvert and hopeless girl]

just wanna cry out loud.
i know i need help from other.
but i just dun wan it.
not i hate it.
i just feel that it is not my work.
i didn't do it myself.
i didn't complete my role, my task.
when im young, someone offer help, i will be like smiling like crazy.
maybe, im starting to think too much or im giving myself too much stress.
recently i really start to hate myself so much.
why can't i just do a proper jobs.
my english sucks, everthing sucks.
yeah, the personality test i took is so right! i can't take or accept criticism from other.
and i still wrote on my reflection journal that i will be able to change it...
funny?! i was laughing when i realized that i listed this out in my RJ.
because this is totally absolutely that i will never change.
i just dun wanna face the fact.
i wanna to be hidden away from the fact.
i dun like facing realistic, i wanna to bluff myself.
but wad the use of escaping?
i had hurt those people help me. i just blurt out that, "i dun wan your help." and it someone very dearest to me.
im sorry if i hurt you.
but i can't help it.... cause i dun nod wad to do... i dunno if im doin a right thing now?
forgive me...
[im in the middle of the sea, trying to save myself by holding on tight to the small boat.
no one is beside me, all i can see is the wavy wave. i was thinking, wad should i do?
i can swim, but not well. should i jump or stay there to wait for help? will there be anyone appearing infront of me soon? saving me from this horrible dream. waking me up, slap me and make me nod that im not alone.]